Messenger of Hope
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: Nozomi Kamikaze is the fastest Shinobi Courier in the Elemental Countries. But she leads a double life. Her birth name is Naruko Uzumaki, jinchuriki of he Nine Tailed Fox...and the summoner of the fabled Chaos Sages. But after the Academy Exam, Naruko says is enough is enough and finally leaves her life as Naruko for good. Now Nozomi is taking the Shinobi Continents by storm.
1. Chapter 1

They called her the Orange Flash, though it had little to do with the Flying Thunder God and everything to do with the fact she had such pure speed going for her. A speed any true shinobi would appreciate, hell, even envy.

Her tinted goggles, bright red hair the color of fresh blood and the bright orange scarf around her face were her trademark, combined with the Uzumaki swirl. When she was on the job, all enemy shinobi ever saw of her was an orange blur as it raced past them at speeds they couldn't hope in hell to compete with.

She was famous for literally running over obstacles placed in her path, skating at high speeds over ice and running over water like it was smooth ground. The shinobi often debated if she even bothered with the chakra control technique most used to run on water, or if she was simply so fast it didn't matter.

There had of course, been a few times when entire shinobi teams of elite jounin were hired to stop her from making a delivery. However the Orange Flash apparently had a Summons contract. One that allowed her to reverse-summon herself to whatever clan she was allied with, and the summon herself back right outside the delivery point. No one had been able to catch her, a fact she prided herself in.

And because no village had yet to boast of having her as a messenger, she was either freelance or missing nin. She did most of her shopping outside the Hidden Villages, so no one could figure out who she belonged with.

So it would probably shock quite a few people to learn that the "Orange Flash" was a neglected jinchuriki who was only receiving the bare minimum of training...and the dregs at that.

A girl who changed her hair color with a little application of chakra and who hid her face because of a pair of very distinctive whisker marks that were impossible to hide with make up...mostly because it often went away at the speeds she traveled. A scarf was easier to deal with and it kept dust from getting in her nose.

Uzumaki Naruko was her name.

She chose to go by Nozomi Kamikaze, since she couldn't go by Sonic. Or Sonix, like she originally wanted to.

Her mentors and real teachers once said she was like the demented love child of the Sonic the hedgehog and his two-tailed kitsune partner Miles Prowler, who everyone called Tails.

Sonic taught her how to run and break the sound barrier. Tails taught her how to think and put things together on the fly, like makeshift weapons (among other things). Knuckles taught her taijutsu and chakra sensing. Shadow taught her infiltration and ninjutsu. Rouge the bat taught her the little things all kunoichi should know before they went into battle, and the things that made life easier. Amy taught her how to fight with weapons and how to make her own little subspace to hide them in.

They were better teachers than anything Konoha had to offer, and if she failed a third time she wasn't even going to bother showing up to have her chakra sealed.

She was going to be a messenger full time, because by law they couldn't declare her a missing nin since she had never been a genin of the village to begin with.

Though if they tried to drag her back she would charge more for Konoha to have their messages express delivered. Having a minor friendship with a scant few people was hardly worth having loyalty to a village that had never shown her any. And the only dream she had claimed was that she wanted to run all over the world and see everything.

* * *

Today was the day of the genin exam, her last chance to be a shinobi. And if things went like they did last year, she'd be lucky to even earn a headband, much less make it to the secondary test.

Naruko sat patiently through the exams, and once again, that jerk Mizuki gave her the wrong one. She knew it was pointless to call him out on the fact...last time she had the creep had put a genjutsu on her test anyway.

Which meant her weapons and taijutsu tests would have to be up to snuff.

One look at her opponent in the taijutsu match told her everything she needed to know. There was no way in hell she was passing this exam.

Oh well, she had never liked being "Naruko Uzumaki, potential genin of the Leaf" all at that much anyway, and her real family (despite being animals who walked upright and spoke like she did) had always insisted the Leaf held her back.

People too stupid to realize that the container wasn't the thing she held back. And who took that fact out on her in discreet ways.

If she failed this test, then to hell with Konoha. She was going to her standby option, her home in Iron Country, which was famous for being neutral and because shinobi didn't rule there. Samurai did.

And they took their neutrality seriously.

Naruko had been paying off that house for two years now, and with how much she charged for her 'expedited delivery' service, she could afford to.

She even had her hiring practice worked out. She had a room cleared out for messenger birds. If a shinobi village wanted to hire her, they sent a fast bird, and she would run to the office of whoever lead the village. She was quite popular with Iwa, Ame, Kumo, and most of the lesser villages.

She mostly did runs for Iwa, Ame and the recently made Oto.

Though to be honest, Otogakure creeped her the hell out. About the only reason she bothered with Oto or it's freaky as hell leader was because she had needed the references.

At least she made some friends there. Kabuto, Karin, and even the sickly Kimimaro.

Most people would be disturbed by someone as forward as Karin, sneaky like Kabuto, or as terrifying as an angry Kimimaro.

Karin loved her immediately once they confirmed "Nozomi" was an Uzumaki like her (Kabuto did the blood test mostly to humor the girls). Kabuto, despite being suspicious by nature and able to worm his way into practically any situation, had grown to geniunely like "Nozomi" because she always brought something to cheer him up.

Whether it was something as simple as his favorite flower, or a book she thought he might find interesting. And Kabuto could instinctively tell she actually gave a damn about them, and wasn't expecting anything out of it. Which, ironically enough, managed to turn his loyalty from his 'boss' Orochimaru to her.

She didn't find him creepy. She just thought he was like a cool older brother.

And Kimimaro...she got on his good side by sneaking him food and just being kind.

Naruko hid a sigh.

There was no way she'd get a good score with a jounin opponent, so she just made a good showing and hoped for the best. She didn't even bother with the genjutsu portion...she was never good at them to begin with and had a hard enough time breaking the things.

And ninjutsu, the one thing she _should_ have been good at, was the final nail in the coffin.

Kami, how she _loathed_ the standard clone jutsu. Iruka, despite being her favorite chunin, refused to give her a passing score despite getting two out of the standard three correct.

By the end of the day, Naruko knew she might as well leave Konoha and not bother to look back. Unless there was some seriously extenuating circumstances, there was no way in hell she'd make genin now.

So imagine her confusion when the ass known as Mizuki-sensei offered mentioned an 'extra, off-the-books' genin exam.

As if. If such a thing actually existed, she would have found it long before now. Especially once she heard what the target was.

So Mizuki planned to use the hapless girl as a patsy, did he? Suddenly that express order from Orochimaru for the Orange Flash Express. Two million ryou, all for the delivery of a rather bulky and important object.

The Forbidden Scroll sure as hell fit the bill. She got one million for taking the job, because of the risks (and insurance money, so even if she never got the 'item' she still got paid for time and travel expenses) and she would get another for the successful delivery of the item.

As Naruko walked home and prepared, she decided this was the perfect opportunity to say goodbye to Konoha as "Naruko Uzumaki". It took an hour to come up with a working plan, one that had plenty of room for adjustment. However she knew Iruka, and odds were he might catch her before Mizuki managed to find her.

She would have to insure he was stalled long enough for Mizuki to make off with the "scroll" with enough time to either be caught with it, or to reach "Nozomi".

Either way, the odds of Naruko becoming a Konoha genin would drop like a stone. She would have to get Tails to be her body double, like the few times she had an urgent delivery and had to step out for a few days. He still read "fox" with his chakra, but then again so had Naruko, according to Rouge.

Tails agreed to act as "Naruko" for a bit while she took her spot as Nozomi. Even if he got caught, it left some leeway with the shinobi because Tails was registered as a "Summon".

Naruko broke into the office, made sure to disable the Hokage in a way that wouldn't kill him (that was a sure fire way to get banned from the village permanently) before a mischievous idea occurred to her.

It took a few extra seconds, but the blackmail material was totally worth it...and if she did this right then she might be able to implicate her client for stealing the Sandaime's porn collection.

His first edition, personally signed, Super Platinum collection of Icha Icha Paradise, of which there were only ten copies of every book in existence. Rumor had it that just one was worth three Mid-S rank missions just for a single copy, because inside was a collection of extremely rare and almost suicidal to own photo copies of the most powerful (and hottest) kunoichi in various states of undress and with more than one partner, of both genders in compromising positions.

The Sandaime had the complete collection. He always got the very first copy of the extremely rare set.

If nothing else, Orochimaru could sell them and make a quick buck...or she could trade it to Kakuzu so he could blackmail the Hokage for his precious porn collection back. The miser was sure to love her for this.

Naruko made it to the meeting spot and summoned Tails.

It should be noted that while Naruko had the most in common with Sonic, the 'strongest' of the summons of Dream Island, she got along best with Tails.

Sonic was a blue hedgehog with green eyes, weird choice in footwear (which she eventually had to copy because all the other shoes she owned couldn't keep up with the speeds she ran at), and a high wind affinity with some knack towards earth. He was a speed demon of the highest order, and he loved chili-dogs the same way she obsessed over ramen and miso.

Their fights over which was better were _legendary_ , and they once completely destroyed Eggman's base (he was a shinobi who had gotten stuck in the summons realm for reasons she never learned) after pranking the living daylights out of the man when he ruined their massive lunch.

Needless to say the grumpy and crazed egg-headed man never _dared_ to ruin their meals again. Even if he was strangely fond of the feisty girl, because apparently she reminded him of his granddaughter.

According to Eggman, he mostly terrorized Dream Island "out of boredom" since he couldn't find a way back to his home. Considering he didn't have to deal with the wars or anything else in the summons realm, Naruko had the feeling he wasn't exactly trying to hard to get back.

While she waited, Naruko opened up the scroll...and the first jutsu alone had her drooling.

Shadow clone sounded like the solution of her problem with clone jutsu.

So she had Tails copy everything in the scroll in the span of thirty minutes...cameras, especially ones modified for night vision and 2D imaging were so useful.

It would have taken ten, but she wanted to make sure she had everything on the scroll on a separate picture. That way she could pick and chose which jutsu to learn.

Thirty minutes later, and she was still bored out of her damn mind. Fortunately Mizuki finally showed up ten minutes after she hit the extreme boredom mark. Unfortunately for the traitor, it had given Naruko enough time to make an almost perfect double of the Forbidden Scroll to hand over.

Mizuki hit Tails unnecessarily hard, which made Naruko revise her revenge.

She'd give him a five minute head start. More than enough to tell the ANBU where to find the idiot, and then deliver the second fake scroll she made to Orochimaru. (Thirty minutes being more than enough time for her to copy most of the inside without making it obvious it was a fake).

* * *

Nozomi looked at her watch impatiently, and was completely unsurprised when the Konoha ANBU showed up after an hour.

"What is your business so close to Konoha?" demanded Rooster.

"Special Courier Kamikaze, out of Iron. I was hired to make a delivery to Rice Country from Konoha. They told me to wait here for a chunin carrying a bulky item from the village," stated Nozomi, using her business voice. She made sure to show her credentials.

Special Couriers out of Iron were notorious for not caring a damn about shinobi or their affairs. They also enforced their own neutrality, meaning that in times of war they could enter any village with less hassle than say, a shinobi bearing the same message. Their job was simply to deliver items, scrolls, or messages. Nothing more and nothing less.

The ANBU tensed, before asking "What's the name of the chunin which is supposed to bring the item?"

"Mizuki," said Nozomi.

The ANBU knew better than to try and bribe her to not take the delivery. The Orange Flash was notorious for not taking bribes and always making her deliveries.

Which meant their only option was to intercept Mizuki before he handed it over. She would stay in her spot, because entering the village would be more hassle than it was worth when it came time to leave. If the item or message was important, she would be detained until she handed it over, which meant she would have to break out.

Fifteen minutes later, the ANBU made sure to show Mizuki's badly beaten form to Nozomi as proof that he failed to make the delivery and had been caught. She nodded, and left. It wasn't her problem if the shinobi busted the delivery boy before he could reach the courier. She made sure to alert the client of the fact and headed 'home'.

* * *

Naruko grinned. She had gotten yelled at for five hours straight last night, and had seen the 'Advisers' of the Hokage force the old man to sign a paper stating she would never be placed in a traditional genin team.

Which meant they would have to get a personal jounin if they wanted to keep their weapon. Sure, having her chakra forcibly sealed hurt like a bitch, but Tails had broken that in an hour and placed a fake on top of the seals. She had a copy of the paperwork stating she had been 'barred' from the shinobi courts, and had most of her things already sealed and ready to go.

Having one last meal with Iruka, she decided now was the perfect time to track down Kabuto so he'd be in place once her 'farewell' surprise went off.

He had it out for Danzou for years, and with good reason. So she had promised him (after breaking into ROOT and booby-trapping the hell out of the place so no matter where it blew up, Danzou's secret army would be blown wide open for the entire village to see) that he would get a front row seat to Danzou getting the asskicking he so richly deserved.

It took some doing, but passing Kabuto and delivering the message the same way Orochimaru generally did it made her life easier. Kabuto met her a few hours later (was beyond shocked to learn that his 'little sister' Nozomi was the Kyuubi jinchuriki) and passed her enough medical supplies and the agreement to meet later for tea. Then he got into position while Naruko set off her payback for all the crap Danzou had put them both through for years.

The explosion was massive, loud, and attention grabbing. The hidden "ROOT" army had no warning of the suddenly event, and thus were unable to avoid being seen by the real ANBU.

The uproar of a sudden invasion force hiding under Konoha was massive. So massive in fact that no one noticed until a scant week later that there were certain high profile prepubescent children missing until after the fact.

Hinata Hyuuga, Sasuke Uchiha and Naruko Uzumaki.

The first was found a few weeks later by Jiraiya, but despite any threats by the Hyuuga patriarch, he refused to bring her back.

Primarily because while the Hyuuga were mildly terrifying, Tsunade scared the living shit out of him, for good reason.

Tsunade had taken the timid heiress as an apprentice, and she wasn't handing her back.

Apparently she had made a deal with a well-known courier from Iron that she wouldn't get prompt demands for money (at least, from the Orange Flash anyway) in exchange for taking another apprentice.

And after seeing how good Hinata was at iryojutsu, Tsunade wouldn't have handed her over anyway. She was definitely worth training.

Sasuke and Naruko, however, were in the wind.


	2. Chapter 2

It was ironic. Where Nozomi took after Sonic almost scarily well (right down to having the same high elemental affinity for wind, though her minor was water, not earth), Sasuke took after Sonic's rival Shadow.

And they did share the same elemental affinities.

Naruko had once accidentally kidnapped Sasuke for all of five hours shortly after learning how to reverse-summon herself. And once he got over his shock (and attempted mauling of the kunoichi because of a misunderstanding about what happened) he ran into Shadow.

The two immediately hit it off. So much so that Sasuke called him "Shadow-nii" (the same way Nozomi called Sonic her brother and made him her personal summon next to Tails).

So in exchange for taking the entire Uchiha library and everything of worth from the estate, Nozomi would take him to Dream Island to train full time under Shadow and Knuckles. At least until he got to the point where he got more from reading the library he had taken with him...and left with Shadow, since apparently he read practically every book on the island.

Once that happened, he would join her as a special courier, since it meant he could learn how to be a shinobi without having to deal with those pesky hidden villages telling him what to do and fill out all that paperwork.

Okay, maybe he still had to file out an action report for insurance purposes, but it wasn't nearly as much as he would have as a genin.

* * *

Nozomi was racing through the rain, which doubled as an early-warning for the shinobi in the village. Fortunately, they already knew her, so they wouldn't hinder her delivery.

She had two deliveries to make. One was to Kakuzu, who she planned to barter with for the Hokage's precious porn collection...and the other was to Itachi, who had no doubt heard his brother was missing.

Contrary to what people believed, Itachi had tortured his brother out of love. He knew Sasuke might very well follow him if he didn't.

Itachi's love for his younger brother was so strong it bordered insanity. And the lengths he would go to protect Sasuke were equally horrifying.

Which was why Nozomi told Sasuke to write a letter to his brother detailing exactly how he felt about the way Itachi had left and how much he would like to punch him for the crap he left in the aftermath for Sasuke to deal with...at the tender age of seven.

Nozomi hoped that a letter exchange might mend the bridges Itachi had been forced to break with that massacre.

"State your business," said the guard.

"Special Courier. I've got a couple of deliveries for the Red Dawn for two members."

"ID and chakra check."

Nozomi flared her chakra on the paper, and it matched. They let her in.

She found Itachi first, and delivered the letters. It would give him time to read them over while she tried to exchange the porn for some cash or favors.

Kakuzu glared at the red haired brat. It wasn't full of malice, but of annoyed respect.

"How the hell did you get the Hokage's complete collection of the super rare, almost impossible to get, _Icha Icha_?"

"You hear about the attempted theft of the Forbidden Scroll a few weeks back?"

"Of course," he said, almost insulted that such information would get past him.

"The one who laid the Hokage flat on his ass with a perverted henge took the time to rob him of his special collection and delivered it on a courier run...along with the timid form of the Hyuuga heiress. I delivered her to the Slug Princess and kept the porn, since I knew you'd definitely pay for it and be discreet about the purchase."

Kakuzu's smirk went above his mask. There was a reason he liked this brat.

"What's your price for the collection?"

Nozomi smirked.

"Two favors for each book and no less than a billion for the whole set, complete with photos."

Kakuzu did a quick calculation. A billion was cheap for the whole set, and favors were even cheaper considering how stingy she was with them. Still, he wouldn't be the biggest miser in the Akatsuki (and thus in charge of budget) if he didn't barter.

"750 and three favors."

"700 and three favors, plus three rare kinjutsu and a summon scroll."

"725, three favors, two rare kinjutsu and an automatic pass through the guards."

"Make that a pass for me and my soon-to-be new partner and you have a deal. Oh, and I get to make one of the newer members of the group my bitch for a year," said Nozomi.

"Agreed," said Kakuzu, and they signed the deal with blood and chakra.

Nozomi waited until Kakuzu handed over the agreed amount, the rare kinjutsu (one for herself and one for Sasuke) and the passes before she handed over the porn and the pictures.

"Pleasure doing business with you," smirked Kakuzu.

"Same. I'll see if any of your comrade have a delivery for me. Have fun discreetly blackmailing the Hokage for his porn collection back, though if I were you I'd use some of it to barter for the head of Shimura Danzou. If I remember right he did something to piss off Pein and Konan a while back. You could use him as a way to get the boss to get off your ass or get a better mission."

"Thanks for the reminder," said Kakuzu, infinitely happier. He could use a few books to pay for his first paid vacation since he was recruited.

Nozomi hadn't even been out of negotiations for five minutes when Itachi found her.

"You know where my brother is."

"He's agreed to be my courier partner, in exchange for free passage out of the village. It's not the Konoha you remember, Itachi. And in the event they don't bother to clean house after the mess Uzumaki left by revealing ROOT in all it's glory, it's better he were out of the village and Danzou's hands."

Itachi made a face, before he took the letters out of his pocket.

"Is it... Would you be willing to deliver these to him? He deserves to know the truth if he's going to abandon his village."

"Free of charge," said Nozomi. Itachi nodded gratefully. "Coincidentally... he did rob the place before he left, and stole almost all of the Uchiha family funds."

Itachi choked, before a quiet laugh escaped him. That was sure to put the Council in a fit once they found out.

* * *

Nozomi waited for Shadow to finish for the day, before she handed Sasuke the letter...after he signed for it.

Sasuke sat down...and about half-way through his eyes widened in absolute shock, which was quickly replaced with fury. Nozomi sighed.

She went to find Knuckles and told him that whatever Itachi had put in that letter would probably cloud Sasuke's judgment for a while...unless they training him until he dropped. Letting him get out his anger and pain in a way that would make him stronger was better than if they allowed him to leave the island. Besides, Knuckles loved having an excuse to train people to the ground.

Sasuke glared at her, but that was the most energy he had after the way Knuckles ruthlessly took advantage of his distraction.

Then Nozomi said the one thing that made the hell she just put him through entirely worth it.

"Jii-san knows the high-end explosive seals. As in the kind the demolition teams in Konoha have to get special clearance to use."

She used the medium level ones on the ROOT base, and they were STILL feeling the fall out from her exposing Danzou's little army.

Kabuto couldn't be happier about the situation...especially when he heard that the man had discreetly gone 'missing' only for his head to be sent back (not by Nozomi, but another courier who was much older) mutilated and clearly pissed on...along with the rest of his body parts.

They were still trying to integrate Danzou's army back into the rest of the Konoha proper, but so far, they were having minimal success.

Especially since Kabuto had been discreetly assimilating the ones still on missions using his knowledge of ROOT against them. As far as they knew, he was their superior officer until a new one could be appointed, and he made sure to give them a passphrase no one in Konoha would use, let alone ROOT.

Anyone trying to reclaim them would end up dead in a very short hurry.

Jii-san was her private nickname for Eggman. The irony being that with her red hair and personality, Nozomi could easily pass for Eggman's daughter or something. No one knew exactly how old the man was, only that he was a nuisance.

To her credit, Nozomi's presence did make his usual attempts to 'spice things up' rather tame. Sure, he still sent his robots on a rampage and the like, but it wasn't nearly as dangerous as they were before.

Apparently most of his annoying attacks were purely out of boredom. Now that he had a 'fiery granddaughter' to spoil and train, he wasn't nearly as bored. He did know more about seals than anyone she had ever heard of.

Sasuke perked up. Sure, learning seals was a pain in the ass, but generally learning under the "Eggman" meant he got to blow something up.

And as an Uchiha, he loved blowing things up.

Once he had eaten something, Sasuke went to visit the crazed seal master for some explosive notes to play with.

"I hate you so much."

"I love you too, baka," said Nozomi, sticking her tongue out at Sasuke.

She was the unofficial go-between for the Uchiha brothers. So far, she had convinced Pein to let her borrow Itachi for a year, fulfilling the 'deal' she had made with Kakazu.

Officially Itachi would be her 'bitch' until the year was up. Unofficially, he would be training her and Sasuke for a year once his brother woke his Sharingan up. Oh, and run errands around Iron country for them.

She still got the giggles after Kakuzu thoughtfully recorded the 'exchange' of goods/money/soon-to-be-dead Danzou and the Hokage's face upon realizing what really happened to his porn stash.

Hearing some of the words the Hokage let off when he found out Naruko had stolen his porn and then bartered it with an S-rank missing nin from Waterfall made her giggly...but not nearly as much as Itachi when he found out.

Sometimes he would snicker for five minutes whenever he was reminded of it, usually when a new Icha Icha came out. Served the old geezer right for telling him to kill his entire clan!

Itachi made sure to slip mentions of the incident in his reports to the Hokage through Jiraiya, and had been rewarded with a message back full of words not fit for polite company.

Nozomi sometimes wondered if it would be worth sneaking back into Konoha only to steal the collection twice and sell it to the Tsuchikage with the agreement he made sure that the Hokage knew where his porn had disappeared this time.

She kept that prank on the back burner. No need to get busted as "Naruko" just for a few books and naughty pictures.

No matter how hilarious the old monkey was when he found out his porn had been taken.

Strangely, when Eggman heard what she did, he called her a 'natural Uzumaki'. Imagine his shock when he found out she _was_ an Uzumaki, but went by a different name because no one was aware that the Orange Flash was the poorly trained jinchuriki girl. And she would like to keep it that way for as long as possible.

Eggman was an Uzumaki...and a retired Elder from Uzushiogakure...from before it was destroyed. At least now she knew why he had never gone home.

And, courtesy of another blood test proving he was an Uzumaki (and therefor actually family) Kabuto had a bit of an odd look on his face.

"How in the name of the Six-Path Sage did you find your own grandfather?"

Eggman, who's real name was Ichiro Uzumaki and the father of Kushina, was in fact Nozomi's maternal grandfather. Uzumaki were naturally long lived, and whatever these "Chaos Emeralds" were, they seemed to slow down the aging process even more than usual in humans and animals. So much so that for a man pushing sixty, he still looked a spry forty.

He honestly could care less about the Emeralds (only one of them was actually green), but it certainly got the summons in a mood for a fight which he did care about.

Well. At least the nickname she gave Eggman had a lining of truth to it.

"Look at the bright side," said Nozomi cheerfully.

"What bright side?"

"You're almost at the point you get those fancy eyes and get one free hit on your brother for the crap he put you through?"

Sasuke brightened at the reminder.

Because the idiots from Konoha were still under the delusion that he and Naruko had 'run off together' in some lame as hell parody of a romance novel, there were multiple hunter nin after his ass to drag him back.

Yes, he passed the Genin exam, but since he never took the secondary one or had his ninja ID with his picture and chakra signature, he wasn't legally a Konoha ninja.

He was still, by law, a civilian until he had his ninja ID made.

Which meant legally they had no way of dragging him back. Not unless one of their hunter ANBU could discreetly retrieve him.

Hence why he was practically living full-time on Dream Island. No fan girls, training almost 24/7 that left him a happy and groaning mess on the pallet Cream (the lone medic on the island) use for her patients.

Cream was one of the rare occupants of the island that Nozomi had never had regular lessons with. Primarily because she was pants at using medical jutsu, and generally tended to heal with a bit of rest. The most she had ever done with Cream was memorize all the medicinal plants that were common all over the Elemental Countries. Well, that and basic battlefield medicine which any civilian could do. Nozomi always kept a full battle med kit complete with a full set of antidotes, anti-venom, and anti-toxins in her storage space where she kept her weapons.

Even if she had to barter for the rarer ones as 'payment' for her courier service.

"So where are you planning to hit your brother?"

"Who said anything about hitting him? After the shit he pulled with that stupid Tsukiyomi thing, I fully intend to give him a quick and painful shot between the legs."

Nozomi's smirk widened.

"So _that's_ why you've had Knuckles focus on leg-strength the past couple of weeks!"

For some bizarre reason, upon hearing he was allowed 'one free hit' for the trauma his brother gave him, Sasuke had immediately gone up to Knuckles and politely asked for advice on how to strengthen his legs to the point they could shatter boulders. Knuckles, who was always up for training some poor bastard into the ground, had obliged him.

Itachi was in for a nasty shock when Sasuke saw him again. Nozomi planned on having her camera for the 'touching' moment.


	3. Chapter 3

Three months. That was how long it had been since they had escaped Konoha.

Hinata was doing fine. More than fine actually. She had finally come into her own, without having to worry about trying to please her father.

Much to the amusement of Nozomi, her personality seemed to do a one-eighty. Hinata had gone from a timid, almost afraid of her own shadow Academy student to a fiery powerhouse that was more likely to slam you into a wall with her fist than use the 'tippy-tap' style of her clan.

Nozomi _had_ to ask Tsunade how exactly she had pulled that one off, and then promptly laughed her ass off.

She had gotten Hinata drunk enough to lower her inhibitions, then proceeded to push every little button until the girl had finally snapped and tried to strangle Tsunade barehanded. It was all downhill once Tsunade knew what to push.

And after two months of that, Hinata's saint-like patience snapped. Like a weak twig.

Oh, she was still the kind-hearted and gentle girl she was before, but now she found the inner strength to actually fight back.

Coincidentally Tsunade found that Hinata was very good at getting her debts to go away. She would charge a premium for having the "Hyuuga heiress" healing anyone from influential clans, and every coin went straight to paying off Tsunade's debts.

Seeing sweet, innocent and gentle Hinata-chan gouge cold hard cash from their stingy and rich owners was enough for Tsunade to immediately teach Hinata the fine art of the Ninja's Game.

Poker.

And then Shizune threw her to Nozomi, who was infinitely better at it than Tsunade. So much so that the darker haired woman often 'paid' Nozomi to play against people who were after her teacher for large sums of money. She left those poor saps cursing the name Orange Flash.

Coincidentally it didn't stop them from hiring her as a messenger.

"Hina-chan!"

"Nozomi-chan!"

Que girlish squeals. Tsunade knew Nozomi was doing it on purpose, the brat. Shizune told her to whenever she ran into them and she spotted Tsunade with a monster hangover and a pair of highly unsympathetic apprentices. Though she had to admit, it was a good thing Hinata and Naruko were instant friends. The girl needed someone her own age to bond with, and not just a bunch of animals.

Thought she had to admit, she loved Cream (the rabbit medic) and Knuckles. Cream was just adorable!

"So, how is Sasuke-san doing?"

Nozomi grinned evilly.

"He's preparing for when his brother will have to be our personal bitch for a year. Itachi has agreed to give him one free shot, and Sasuke's planning a big one...right between the legs. So far he's been able to crush small boulders. Coincidentally, how much would it take for you to come visit the island long enough to heal Itachi?"

"Is this Itachi, as in Uchiha Itachi, the kinslayer?"

"Apparently it was a set up by the Evil Three and the Hokage...but only after Danzou pushed the Uchiha into a corner first. Itachi only agreed to do it because he wanted to keep his brother safe from Danzou."

"Speaking of Danzou...what exactly happened to him?"

"The full story or the short one."

"Short."

"He brought ROOT back, pissed off the wrong people and when I stole the Hokage's porn collection (que evil snickering from the other girls) I used it to help an S-ranked nin bribe the Hokage into dropping the barrier for a few hours while they kidnapped him. A week later they sent him back piece by bloodied piece with a clearly desecrated corpse. Thought I have it on good authority the bastard had at least thirteen Sharingan implanted, and had your grandfather's face growing out of the same arm."

Tsunade paled.

"So...basically a case of him pissing off the wrong person and them having the right material to make the Hokage look the other way?" said Hinata.

"Exactly. Should have heard the language the old man used when he found out I was the one who stole it," smirked Nozomi.

Tsunade snorted.

"I know that face. What sort of prank are you planning?" said Hinata.

"Nothing much. Just that the next time I have to do an overnight courier run to Konoha, that maybe I might swing by the Hokage's office and steal the porn again...only this time I'll sell it to the Tsuchikage instead of the oldest miser in the Elemental Nations," said Nozomi innocently.

Tsunade and Shizune choked.

"The Tsuchikage, really?" said Hinata, though her eyes sparked with amusement.

"Can you think of anything that would get him on my side faster than having the world's greatest blackmail material on the Hokage?" said Nozomi, eyes gleaming.

"He might very well kill you if he found out," said Tsunade.

"According to my maternal grandfather, I'd be doing my Uzumaki heritage proud," said Nozomi.

"Your...grandfather?"

"Apparently Ichiro Uzumaki used a seal diagram wrong, landed in the summons realm and got stuck. Either the seal was destroyed with Uzu, or something's keeping him in the summons realm. Either way he's been bored out of his skull long enough to become a public menace to the island."

"...The sad thing is that I actually believe you, and I'm half Uzumaki myself. Let it never be said our clan is boring," said Tsunade.

"So will you heal Itachi? From what I heard he has some sort of issue with his lungs, and he's too cheap or too 'cool' to get it checked by a proper medic nin."

That and it would give Sasuke the satisfaction of seeing his older brother being berated by a woman old enough to be their grandmother.

"When exactly do you want to schedule this 'appointment'?"

"As soon as duck butt finally wakes up his stupid doujutsu. Until he does that there's no good reason to bring Itachi in for a bit, though I might drag his partner along too for a quick laugh and give both of them an overdue vacation."

The Akatsuki might be hunting the tailed beasts, but they would never dare harm Nozomi. She had too much hanging over their heads, for one. She was also practically their little sister/favorite gaki.

Pein, Konan, Itachi and Deidara treated her like a little sister, always eager to learn something new.

Kisame, Sasori, Kakuzu and Zetsu treated her like she was their favorite annoying little kid...mostly because they were the ones she had the most blackmail on. They liked her because she clearly had the biggest set of balls in the Elemental Countries and she wasn't afraid to bullshit her way out of trouble.

There was one other member, but Tobi was so annoying that most of the other members went out of their way to keep him from seeing Nozomi. Though whether it was from a desire to keep him from 'contaminating' her with his complete stupidity and absolutely annoying habits, or some other reason, was unclear.

Then Tsunade remembered something important.

"Before I forget, Jiraiya's in town."

"Crap. I'll see you guys later," said Nozomi, pulling up her scarf to hide her whisker marks. She made sure to check the courier's outpost for work, and found a quick job that wouldn't take more than an hour, but would get her far, far away from town before the Toad Sage noticed her.

It wasn't that Nozomi was afraid of the man, far from it. But she knew for a fact he was Konoha's second-best spymaster (now first because Danzou was dead) and the odds of him being on the lookout for the 'runaway lovers' Naruko and Sasuke were fairly high. If he spotted her dressed as the Orange Flash, he might draw conclusions that could bring Konoha's Hunter nin down on her ass, and she had worked too hard to get her shop up and running.

As it was, she generally had to leave notice in order to get a vacation day a month, if she was lucky.

Nozomi made it back to her 'home' on the Dream Island in time to hear a tired cheer from Sasuke.

Walking up to her brother in all but blood, she spotted a now familiar pair of red eyes, only instead of the usual three tomoe, there was just one on each eye. Likely for Taijutsu, considering he had been working with Knuckles.

"And to think, if we had stayed in Konoha it would have taken even longer to get them and we would have had to chase that damn cat called Tora and call it a 'mission'," said Nozomi.

Sasuke shuddered. That cat was _evil_.

"On the plus side, this means we now have a legitimate reason to drag Itachi here, and once you incapacitate his sorry ass Tsunade can see what's up with his lungs," said Nozomi cheerfully.

Sasuke's grin was evil. Shinobi or not, no man liked getting a hard kick to the balls. Above all else it was one of the dirtiest (and easiest) ways to incapacitate some poor bastard for at least a full minute. More than enough time for Tsunade to give Itachi a full diagnostic. Itachi _hated_ hospitals, and avoided medic nin like the plague.

Odds were that his blue skinned partner would get a good laugh out of the entire thing, and help Nozomi take pictures of Itachi's face.

* * *

Itachi took one look at the hawk, which had been bred for speed and wore the traditional Uzumaki swirl on a bright orange (which any idiot could see even in the rain) vest.

This was how Nozomi, who he once knew as the cheerful Naruko (though now he tacked on the additive of 'insane, just like her mother' to the cheerful description) contacted others without coming herself.

Itachi knew for a fact Naruko had a six-day work schedule, with the last day not being for rest (unless she specifically put up a sign saying she was on vacation, which she took once a month for three full days) but so she could continue her shinobi training.

She actually got more use out of her training than most genin, because she was always running here and there in the Elemental Countries, though she made very sure to avoid Konoha until the mess she left behind was either cleaned up or forgotten.

Danzou's death and the subsequent revelation of his secret army...not to mention all the off-the-books missions that WOULD damage Konoha's reputation badly if even a quarter of them got out to the rest of the hidden villages... had left a massive load of paperwork for the Hokage to deal with. That, plus the fact he had to BUY back his porn collection from the greedy miser known as Kakuzu as well as discreetly allow Danzou to die in a very painful manner meant he would be lucky to have a free day in time for the chunin exams.

So yes, it was probably a good thing she avoided Konoha for the moment...and by extension her perverted Godfather who was searching high and low for her and her 'boyfriend'.

On the plus side, Pein was in a far more reasonable mood if Konoha wanted to open up talks.

Before he would have killed a Konoha nin (except Itachi) on sight. Now he would at least throw them into interrogation before killing them.

Itachi grabbed his personal scroll, which he carried with him because it had all the supplies he would need to live outdoors for a while. Nozomi had indicated that they would be staying on a literal island paradise, but that hunting the land bound natives was frowned upon, so any red meat like beef or lamb would have to be imported.

She still hadn't figured out where the hell Sonic kept getting his hot dogs, because she had yet to find any place in the Elemental Nations that sold the sausage-like meat.

For that matter, she wasn't entirely sure where they imported their meat (because Eggman sure as hell wasn't a vegetarian) and she knew for a fact that hunting on the island was not forbidden, but frowned upon to the point where it might as well be.

Itachi found Kisame sitting in front of the TV, arguing over what to watch with Deidara.

"Kisame, remember that vacation we were going to get once Nozomi claimed that 'favor' from Kakuzu?"

"The one where you're her errand boy for a year?" said Kisame perking up. He was mostly going because it meant a free paid vacation, a true rarity considering how stingy Kakuzu was with the funds and how hard it was to get Pein to stop bitching about losing two of his minions.

In this case they mostly had to pay for food, since the lodgings were free and the weather was apparently tropical almost year round. Besides, it was the cheerfully evil Nozomi. A girl with a decent enough affinity to water that she could do some damage with some of the jutsu he knew.

Well...that and the fact Nozomi had _hinted_ for what Sasuke had in mind for his one free shot.

No way was he passing that up.

"Where are you two idiots heading, un?"

"Nozomi's claimed her Akatsuki errand boy for a year, and she chose Itachi."

Deidara perked up.

"Room for one more, un? No way in hell am I going to stick around to deal with Tobi."

Tobi was currently in the probationary period of the Akatsuki training. He was shadowing under Zetsu, their chief spy, until a spot opened. There were never more than ten Akatsuki at any time, and Kakuzu had made it very clear he would kill Tobi if they dared to partner the idiot with him.

He had already killed the last _four_ partners Pein had assigned him.

Unfortunately Zetsu was currently employed spying on Konoha to see how they dealt with the mess they were in, so Tobi would have to partner up with anyone available. Or the most junior...which in this case was Deidara.

Itachi snorted.

"No blowing everything up...actually, I take that back. No blowing up anything living. From what I heard one of the inhabitants has a thing for metal automatons like Sasori's puppets, but no chakra strings. They get blown up regularly and even fight back," said Itachi.

He could sympathize with Deidara, because Tobi was annoying.

Deidara perked up, before going to ask Pein.

"You sure you want to bring him along?"

"Nozomi said Sasuke had been experimenting with explosives, and he could use a break. Besides, I overheard Sasori bitching about him accidentally blowing up half his collection or selling it to some fan girls he found from Suna."

Kisame snickered.

"Speaking of fan girls..."

Itachi snorted.

"Apparently half the reason he's still training on the island is because he's not so eager to discredit the rumor that he and 'Naruko' were dating. He's using her as fan girl repellant."

Kisame let out a bark of laughter, right as Deidara returned.

"He gave me six months," he said, pleased.

Six months free of the sheer amount of paperwork Deidara could cause. Six months for Sasori to calm down and not be tempted to kill his partner.

It was more than he had hoped to get anyway, but that was probably because the only thing he had to pay for was food, and he could catch his own. Hello vacation!


	4. Chapter 4

Nozomi reverse-summoned the trio, having already stocked up the fridge in the 'house' they would be staying at, which had hammocks rather than actual futons.

She hadn't expected Deidara, but at least now she had someone to talk explosive seals with.

She had made sure to give him a separate 'house'.

Then she gave Deidara and Kisame a video camera and a regular camera.

The reunion of the Uchiha brothers was in Eggman's fortress, primarily because it had multiple cameras...and because Sasuke apparently had a thing for explosions much like Nozomi did. Then again, Uchiha were always a bunch of pyromaniacs.

The second Sasuke enacted his revenge for the Tsukiyomi induced trauma and making him the sole target of the damn Uchiha fangirls (even for the dead Uchiha) Deidara laughed so hard he had hiccups.

Itachi was in immense pain...and it only got worse when Tsunade showed up shortly after. His dislike of medics was well known in the Akatsuki, so finding out Nozomi had made sure he wouldn't be moving while the woman gave him a much overdue physical was making even Kisame giggle evilly.

Best of all they could sell the video to Kakuzu for a bit of cash!

Tsunade immediately frowned when she got to Itachi's chest.

"And when, exactly, were you planning to have your lungs checked young man?" she demanded.

Itachi winced.

"Wait, what this about his lungs?" said Sasuke.

"Good kick, gaki. A bit rough, but you have some potential. Your idiot brother here has a lung condition. A bad one. And if left untreated it _will_ kill him before he turns twenty-five," said Tsunade flatly.

Sasuke's glare went up a notch.

"Just because you took out mom doesn't mean you should be so lax about your own health, baka!" said Sasuke.

Nozomi choked back a laugh. It was pretty damn funny to see Sasuke had a mother-hen side to him, but then again he had always been close to Itachi.

Nozomi had an evil idea.

"Since you're here Granny, how about training Sasuke in the basics of iryojutsu? Make it so Itachi won't be able to escape the medic nins, ever?"

"An Uchiha medic. Now that has some potential. That Hyuuga girl you dropped with me has some of the best instincts I've seen in a long time, and even better control. I wonder how well an Uchiha could do?"

Seeing Itachi's slightly horrified look, Deidara and Kisame laughed harder.

"You are an evil, twisted bitch. I think I'm in love," said Deidara, once he got over his giggles, though he still had the hiccups.

"The fact he'll be using most of it on his reluctant brother has nothing to do with it, I bet."

Deidara was still pissed with Itachi for forcing him to join the Akatsuki. So seeing Itachi being tag-teamed by the best medic in the Elemental Countries and his own brother after being hit so hard in the balls...well, he felt vindicated.

Kisame just loved the fact that Itachi had broken his Uchiha Mask for once, and because of a pair of kids!

* * *

Itachi was forced to endure Tsunade's tender mercies for a full month before she cleared him.

Hinata never thought that four and a half months after the genin exams, she would learn one of Konoha's less pleasant secrets.

That the Hokage and his trio of advisers had ordered Itachi to murder his family and become a spy. Or that the entire reason Nozomi failed the first genin exam was because the instructors were so determined to bring down the village weapon that they brought down the rest of the class with her.

Tsunade had been openly disgusted upon finding how poor Hinata's skills were, and they were roughly at the top of the class practice wise, with Ino being a close second. Academically, it would have been Sakura.

Nozomi had been in the bottom because she constantly got kicked out of class for flimsy reasons, and found it was much more productive to study on the island. At least there, she was given unprejudiced training.

So yes, Tsunade spent a good two months getting Hinata's skills up to par, along with breaking her timid nature.

They were medics, battlefield medics. A timid and shy nature simply wouldn't cut it. Her gentle nature was acceptable, provided she directed it correctly, but being unsure of her skill in the midst of battle would get her killed.

Besides, it would give Tsunade a great deal of satisfaction to see the look on Hiashi's face when his 'timid, weak' daughter and heir broke his nose.

However once he was cleared for training, the gloves were off.

Itachi put his brother through the ringer, teaching him little tricks to get his Sharingan fully upgraded within a short amount of time. Nozomi too, though in her case it was more about teaching her how to use her speed in a fight.

Sonic might have shown her how to run for long distances and how to use her wind element to augment her natural fighting skills...but when it came to battles he was more of a speed-freak who ran circles until the opponent left an opening. A fact Eggman had tried to break repeatedly.

Itachi was fast, and while Nozomi was faster she had no real experience using her taijutsu and that speed at the same time.

* * *

"I'm bored," said Kisame.

This vacation was great, but he was a ninja. After a while even training would get boring as hell.

"Pay up," said Nozomi to Tsunade. The Sannin grumbled before shelling out five thousand to the grinning red-head.

Kisame sat up, anticipating the red head's plan. She was always good for a laugh.

"So what do you have in mind red?"

"A certain little troll, who shall remain nameless, short changed me for a delivery. He then thought he could bribe me to forget that he's a cheapskate of a civilian. I heard rumors the idiot's trying to take over Wave, and he has one of your colleagues keeping the Hunter Nin busy with an accomplice. I plan to bankrupt the little shit. Maybe make an outpost and train up some civilians to expand the business," said Nozomi evilly.

"Spiteful. I like it. What's in it for me?"

"Depends...how badly do you want to upstage Konoha and possible make Zabuza shit himself?"

"Hell, count me in, Un!" said Deidara eagerly. Pissing off Konoha was always something he would agree to.

"And what about the Uchihas?"

"Konoha is too close to where we're going. And Itachi is starting Sasuke on the basics of kenjutsu, so you can have fun traumatizing him later. And the tree-huggers still have no idea that the Orange Flash is actually their missing weapon. Let's go screw with their heads a bit and lay down confusing leads that go nowhere and possibly piss off the other countries."

"Count me in, un!"

"Me too. It'll be fun to annoy Zabuza again, and if nothing else we could help you rope him into being your courier at the outpost!" cackled Kisame.

Nozomi didn't live in Iron Country for the prices or the fact that they didn't have the same instinctive hatred of her. She lived there because they didn't give a damn about shinobi or jinchuriki. Once she showed the official document from the Hokage stating that "Naruko Uzumaki" had been banned from the Konoha Shinobi Corps, the leader of Iron Country officially made her a full citizen. And then he legally changed her name and made it public to any shinobi that wanted to look up where Naruko Uzumaki lived.

All legal and above board. It wasn't his problem if the Konoha shinobi hadn't been able to stop her from abandoning her ties to the village. And as long as she wasn't officially part of any country's shinobi army, then legally Konoha couldn't come and claim her.

A fact she would gleefully shove in the Hokage's face, along with the entire Council. It was too little, too late for them to clean up their act.

"Bring back pocky," said Itachi, when he heard where they were reverse summoning to.

"And tomatoes!" shouted Sasuke. The shared garden between the friends wouldn't be in season for a month. It was one of their few hobbies that didn't involve destruction. Nozomi chuckled.

Sasuke had an addiction to tomatoes.

She gave them a two fingered salute, before they packed up a few things to scare any other skin-flint civilians to think twice about trying to cheat the Orange Flash out of her payment.

What they found had them re-evaluating their priorities.

The Copy-Nin Kakashi was there with a trio of wet-nosed Genin. Deidara wanted to kill him, because of the number of deaths to his clan.

Nozomi had a better, more evil idea.

She was going to steal his porn from under his nose and then humiliate him in order to get it back. And then have it video-taped for blackmail.

And that was revenge the insane bomber could get behind. Killing an enemy was all and good, but humiliating them and getting good blackmail was more satisfying.

And if nothing else, it would be fun to kill Kakashi later.

"No killing the genin. We want them to actually be fun when whatever plan that idiot with the white mask has planned comes into play," said Nozomi.

"There's a reason I always liked you gaki. What about torture?"

"Traumatize them if you must, but they must be more or less intact. Otherwise Pein will never stop bitching about it when he finds out. So we might as well leave the cloaks behind."

It was ironic, really. The secret "true" leader of the Akatsuki had no idea that one of the very people he was planning to hunt down and kill had the entire group in her back pocket. Either because they liked her too much or respected her as a fellow warrior and tactician. She understood the group of outcasts far better than the 'leader' did, and got along fine with almost all of them.

So it was debatable whether they would go after her or not.

* * *

It took all of ten minutes to locate Zabuza, and fifteen for Nozomi to convince him to give up the location to Gatou's base. His apprentice, Haku, had been tense right up until he/she heard Zabuza trade ideas for how slowly the midget would be killed.

For the most part, Zabuza was pretty reasonable...especially when he found out Nozomi was from Iron Country, not any of the hidden villages.

He was also all for pranking the hell out of Kakashi and his snot-nosed brats. They had gotten lucky when they managed to escape him the first time.

"So let's see if I got this straight. You want me to act as a courier?"

"Or as a front-man for the shop. Let's face it, because you're a former Kiri nin, Iron won't have you. But...it will allow you to make connections for the rebels in Mist to use in order to get much needed supplies and aid. Ignore Konoha though...they still have to clean up after the mess their Jinchuruki left behind, and kami knows they'll try to lord it over you like they did Suna."

Zabuza winced.

"I don't get it. Why would you care about Konoha anyway?"

"I'm the one who left," stated Nozomi...then she grinned "And I happened to have absconded with the heirs of their two most prestigious clans. All I ask in return is that you give me a week's notice if you're planning to break from my 'employ' and that you don't betray me or exceed the boundaries of good taste like Orochimaru has."

There was a point when even shinobi had to say things had gone too far. And Orochimaru had gone past that point when he started jumping bodies in his efforts to learn everything. He was a cancer, and one she would not miss in the least.

Kabuto, at least, had agreed to continue the research Orochimaru left behind once he went past Nozomi's store of patience...just with a few tweaks.

Insane snake or not, Orochimaru was a genius.

"...You know Orochimaru?"

"I'm a courier. So long as I'm paid, I don't give a damn what my client has done unless they're stupid enough to short change me like Gatou did, and then I take my time to call in a few favors before I demonstrate what a phenomenally bad idea that is."

There was no kill like overkill...like calling in a couple of S-ranked Nukenin to deal with a civilian.

Zabuza's grin was terrifying.

"I like you kid. Can I watch while you explain to the bastard how badly he screwed up?"

"Can you walk, or do we have to rig up a TV and video camera for you to watch from afar?"

"I don't have to fight, do I?" he asked.

"Anyone stupid enough to try and stop us will meet Deidara, since I'm not letting him kill or maim the Konoha idiots. And anyone dumb enough to piss me off gets to meet Kisame."

"Then I can walk."

Barely.


	5. Chapter 5

The first indication that something weird was up was the odd lack of thugs in the town. The next was the smell. Finally, the citizens of Wave cautiously went out to find the strange source of the 'silent' day.

Then, to their shock, they found Gatou and a good chunk of his most vicious thugs, dead and hung the same way Kaiza had been. Gatou had the most graphic demise. Some of the citizens actually lost their lunch.

Hung around his neck was an bloodied orange scarf with the familiar Uzumaki swirl embroidered on the ends...holding up a sign.

" _I always get my due. Cross the Orange Flash at your own peril."_

One brave person, the bridgebuilder Tazuna, walked up to the sign and found a letter.

"Well? What does it say?" asked one brave villager. The Konoha nin they had hired to save them stood there waiting.

"According to this, Gatou hired the Orange Flash for a courier job and shortchanged her. So since she was in the area she found Zabuza and his apprentice...and they gave her the location of the bastard. She wanted to send a message to the other skin flint merchants that she will not abide being cheated out of her rightful due for a delivery."

"...What did they say the Orange Flash's name was again?" asked Tsunami.

"Nozomi Kamikaze, the fastest and most reliable courier in the Elemental Nations, out of Iron," said Kakashi, in disbelief.

"...You do realize that since Gatou was killed by a third party, we no longer need you here, right?"

"There's still the fact you hired us to deliver you to Wave," said Kakashi nervously.

"And you did. I didn't force you to stick around."

Tazuna might have played against the heartstrings of the Leaf nin, but he hadn't forced them to help.

Kakashi reluctantly agreed to leave...but at least whoever had killed Gatou and his men had been kind enough to leave enough money to pay off the misranked mission.

But it was what happened _after_ they crossed the water that would make Kakashi seriously freaked out about the entire incident.

As a former ANBU captain, he had a BINGO book and usually took it with him as a habit.

So he recognized the blond-haired missing nin pretty damn fast.

"Deidara, of Iwa."

He tensed up, as he was still pretty weak from his fight with Zabuza. He honestly hadn't expected an S-rank nukenin to be waiting for them. He just knew it would be a slaughter.

Hearing the word Iwa, and seeing his reaction, his little genin team, which he had been forced to take (thankfully all composed of now former ROOT members) tensed as well.

So imagine their disbelief when they heard the nuke nin chuckle evilly.

"Oh, I'm not here to fight, un."

"Then why are you here, so close to Konoha?"

Deidara had a positively evil look on his face.

"Distraction."

"For what?"

"For me," cackled a feminine voice.

Three seconds later, Kakashi realized with open horror that his precious porn was missing from his pocket.

Turning, he found a red head with goggles that looked almost identical to the ones Naruko wore (they originally belonged to Obito, but he had them restored) with an orange scarf that was identical to the one holding the sign up around Gatou's neck. Right down to the Uzumaki swirl on the ends.

What happened next was pure hell for Kakashi. Especially since they brazenly took photos of him without his mask just so he could get his book back.

If he ever ran into that brat again, he would strangle her barehanded. No one threatened his precious Icha Icha and got away with it!

* * *

Kakuzu was the first to get copies of Kakashi's face, sans mask. What he looked like without it had been the subject of many debates, but no one had ever gotten him to remove it. He was just that good.

So having photographic evidence and the likelihood of him having an impassioned rant for someone stealing his damn porn right from under his nose...

Oh yes, he practically adored Nozomi, especially when it was that time of the month. She didn't just get bitchy, she got vindictive and evil!

As evil as a main line Uzumaki woman.

"Fifty for the whole set."

"Deal. Don't mention I sold you the first set. I plan on selling copies of these babies to Iwa, Kumo and some of the lesser villages."

"Not Suna?"

"They're broke after the current Kazekage pissed off their daimyo. I want real cash, not chump change," stated Nozomi flatly. She wasn't dictated by money like Kakuzu was, but she sure as hell picked up a few things from him. Money meant power. Power meant freedom. Freedom meant she didn't have to listen to a bunch of stuffy assholes like the ones that inhabited the Konoha Council, both sets.

Kakuzu inclined his head, silently agreeing with her. Suna had gone down hill since their Daimyo, angered by the way the Kazekage treated his youngest son (their jinchuriki), had cut most of his funding off and started outsourcing missions to Konoha.

As a result, the number of missions dropped, as did the amount of funds in their treasury. And with a drop in the treasury, that meant weapons, medicines and other essentials took a hit too.

Nozomi suddenly hit upon an idea.

"I know that look. You have a money-making scheme in mind, don't you?"

Her eyes gleamed. Her current shop in Iron was already racking in the cash, and the branch office in Wave wasn't doing too bad either, with Haku running deliveries. And once Kiri settled down, they would open up another "Uzumaki Delivery" office. She would have called it the Orange Flash, but Uzumaki Delivery had a better ring...and it brought some of her clan together.

People started to recognize her clan symbol...and survivors of Uzushiogakure began to come out of the woodwork.

"A shop in Suna."

"Suna's almost dirt poor," Kakuzu reminded her.

"Yes, but I'd bet the Kazekage would jump at the chance to make some extra cash, even if it meant leaving his youngest son alone. The Uzumaki Delivery is becoming really well known. So much so that it's starting to become the premiere courier service. So what happens when I start to expand in other countries? Including Hidden Villages?" she said, eyes gleaming.

Her popularity was simple.

Fast service, neutral couriers, and an absolute guarantee that if you don't get your delivery, then they will pay you back the full amount. It was the first two guarantees that attracted customers. The fact that the top courier was well known for turning away lucrative bribes was also a good point.

Ironically, the fact she publicly claimed the death of Gatou of Gatou shipping for trying to cheat her out of her due was making her even more popular among merchants. They could appreciate dealing with cheats in a quick, decisive manner. Besides, no one liked the troll anyway, and Kakuzu was quick to accept the man's informants for a nice fee from the girl. She might have sold some to Sasori, but he didn't pay as much and most of the contacts he already had anyway.

As for Gatou's accounts...she left more than enough for Wave to rebuild and pay off Konoha (she found it amusing to find they had named the bridge after her. The Great Uzumaki Bridge), enough for Zabuza and Haku to start taking in clients...with Zabuza running the shop while Haku made short-distance deliveries... and the rest she split between herself, Deidara and Kisame, who were very pleased they wouldn't have to share any of it with Kakuzu, who claimed a percentage of their missions.

So yes, Suna might very well jump on an up-and-coming courier company if it meant extra trade.

* * *

Nozomi sold the pictures to three different people, all who paid top dollar (though not as much as Kakuzu did for the original set) for their own copies. Kakashi would be horrified to learn his BINGO book picture was updated with his real face, much to the amusement of his colleagues.

She came to Suna with a standard delivery...and branched the idea of an outpost in the village, with the agreement that part of the delivery payment went to the shinobi that made them. And that meant some of the money would go back to the treasury.

The Kazekage couldn't agree fast enough, even if it meant putting his son, the Ichibi jinchuriki, in charge of the overnight deliveries since he was trained not to sleep.

In the span of a week, the Suna outpost for the Uzumaki Delivery company was up and running.

In the span of a month, the funds in the shinobi treasury had gone up. Not by a lot, but merchants started to spread the word of the newest outpost to their friends.

Needless to say the Kazekage was rather pleased by this development, even if it meant having to quit trying to kill his own son.

* * *

Sasuke was running the shop while Nozomi was on a short-distance run. So imagine his surprise seeing a man with a strange hitai-ate walk in with what appeared to be a manuscript.

Before he said a word, Sasuke immediately pointed his short sword at the sign.

 _To all Shinobi customers, please note that while we do not discriminate against Nuke-nin or Official business, we do charge extra for deliveries into known shinobi territory such as hidden villages._

 _Also, if the delivery requires waiting at an agreed upon point we do not hold responsibility if the 'package' happens to be intercepted by the rightful owners. We only promise deliveries that make it to the couriers._

 _Thank you, and have a nice day._

Sasuke raised an eyebrow as if silently asking 'Understand?'. The man nodded.

"What may I help you with today? We offer a flat rate for all deliveries, but hidden villages cost extra because of their security. We don't do retrieval, bodyguarding or delivery of live items. We make a full money-back guarantee in the event that the item in questions is not delivered, and we will tell you upfront whether or not we can handle the delivery. Also, if you try to start something, we can and will call the samurai here. This company is upholds a strict neutrality clause."

"Nothing as dangerous as any of that. I just need to get this manuscript to my publisher," said the man. The man eyed Sasuke with an odd look. "Are you an unclaimed Uchiha?"

Sasuke twitched, and mentally upped the price tag because the shinobi had just asked if he was a bastard Uchiha.

"I know who both my parents were, and they were married for years when they had me and my brother," said Sasuke annoyed.

"Sorry, it's just I heard that the Last Uchiha went missing a few months back with his girlfriend ebcause she didn't make the cut for genin."

"More like the Academy was full of complete idiots and dragged the collective survival rate for the entire class down just because of the Fox," stated Sasuke flatly. Seeing the triumphant look in his eyes, Sasuke bent down and pulled out something. "Before you go crowing to Konoha you found the Uchiha heir, read this."

He looked at the paper, and the further down he got, the wider his eyes became before he sputtered.

"You rescinded all ties to Konoha?!"

"According to this document, which was signed and sealed by Lord Mifune and three of the serving Kages, I am no longer considered a 'shinobi', and thus cannot serve in any standing Shinobi army as part of their forces. Any attempts to return me to Konoha to serve in their shinobi forces will be an act of war against Iron, and might very well spark the next great shinobi war," said Sasuke a little too evilly.

"Coincidentally that applies to me as well," said a voice behind the white haired man. Nozomi had finished her delivery.

"Why?"

"Why give up the chance to be called 'shinobi'?" said Nozomi, raising an eyebrow.

"You're throwing away generations of your heritage!" he said, baffled as to why the Last Uchiha would openly cut ties.

"Who said anything about throwing away my heritage?" said Sasuke smugly.

"Shinobi don't have a monopoly on jutsu, chakra or their techniques. No one said you _have_ to be a shinobi in order to learn them. It's just that only shinobi bother to learn, and most hidden villages are quick to snap anyone who is decent into their army," shrugged Nozomi.

And since they had made it clear that they had no interest in the inter-village politics of the shinobi, it was easier to just be members of Iron. It meant that during war times, they could go almost anywhere they pleased and not get dragged into which village was better.

Well...that and it gave shinobi migraines trying to comprehend someone with shinobi training that could fight as well as them not actually _belonging_ to any village.

It was hilarious watching their minds trying to comprehend such a simple...and apparently novel...concept.

"So what did you need?"

The man shook himself out of his shock, before showing his manuscript.

Immediately Nozomi and Sasuke had a disgusted look on their face.

"If I had known you were Jiraiya of the Sannin I would have thrown you out," said Sasuke annoyed.

Jiraiya, for that was who he was, blinked.

"You know of me?"

"Tsunade-baa-chan said you were the writer of that fourth-rate porn I stole. She about busted a gut laughing when I told her I sold the Hokage's complete collection to a known S-ranked missing nin for him to blackmail the old man," smirked Nozomi.

Jiraiya blinked, ran that through his head, before he actually stared at her intently for some reason.

"Naruko? Uzumaki Naruko?"

She slapped a seal on him before he had a chance to say another word.

"Before you go and ruin my fun to the Hokage, that seal gramps shared with me will keep your mouth shut...or else."

Jiraiya looked at what little of the sealing script he could see and paled. That was Uzumaki work, he was sure of it. And he could tell something would explode if he said something he shouldn't.

"Now, you said something about delivering your half-assed porn?" said Nozomi.

Jiraiya looked grumpy.

"My book is not half-assed."

"The only things you got grammatically correct were the naughty bits and the ninja terminology," she stated flatly.

"Not to mention the code you left in that took us five minutes to break. Not really the best way to pass intel," said Sasuke, rolling his eyes.

Jiraiya grumbled.

"Hard to find any decent proofriders that don't pass out from bloodloss."

Nozomi shared a smirk.

"Give me fifteen minutes," she said, taking the manuscript into the back room.

She came back and when Jiraiya looked it over he stared. She had fixed all the errors and ignored the secret messages...in fifteen minutes.

"Now, about my delivery fee..." said Nozomi.

Jiraiya would leave a poorer, but enlightened man. His goddaughter was just as conniving and evil as her mother. Kushina would be so proud!


	6. Chapter 6

Jiraiya was not idle when he went to check in with his old teacher about any 'news' concerning his goddaughter. Though now he knew why no one had ever found the girl. She had changed her hair, her name and appearance! About the only thing Nozomi Kamikaze had in common with Naruko was their love of orange and the Uzumaki swirl.

And now the cheeky brat had slapped an Uzumaki seal on him! Jiraiya, Konoha's spy master and best seal master!

He was grudgingly impressed with the girl. Didn't mean he had to like it though.

What it did mean was that he needed to take a long, hard look at the real life Naruko had lived. There had to be a pretty damn good reason she would cut ties with her home and move to Iron.

Unknown to the Toad Sage, Kabuto watched his little adventure into the daily life of Naruko with amusement...and then reported it to her.

Served the Sannin right for trusting an old politician like Sarutobi to care for a child after being stupid enough to tell the entire freaking village what happened to the demon without actually telling them. As idiotic as the Leaf was, it wasn't stupid enough to ignore the obvious in their face.

As in the likely container to the Kyuubi.

* * *

"So what are we doing again?" asked Sasuke.

"We're doing a full test on what to focus on, shinobi-training wise. This way you know what areas of shinobi training you should work on, and what to ignore. Stuff like elemental affinity, taijutsu and possible genjutsu. Since you're finally up to high genin standards, Shadow-sensei said he's going to bring you up to chunin. Itachi will focus on the Sharingan, and you already have medic training with Tsunade."

"And what will you be doing?"

"Studying. Because I'm an Uzumaki and a speed freak, Jiji said I should abuse the hell out of the shadow clone to read as many books as I possible could after dinner, then he'll knock me out and let my brain sort out the information. And since you basically stole everything from the Uchiha library, and I've read everything Shadow already has twice..."

"Your mind naturally processes faster than normal, and the shadow clone have a memory transfer aspect. And thanks to the fact you have a bad habit of focusing on a hundred things at once already, abusing the shadow clones would make it easier to process the written information rather than hinder it," said Sasuke, thinking it over.

"Pretty much what Jiji said. Sonic has the same bad habit, but he's classified as a Summon, so he doesn't need to learn this stuff. I'm a self-trained shinobi, which is what we're classified as since we abdicated our ties to our original village."

"That's one thing I never got. We're clearly shinobi, yet we're not classed as nuke-nin, even if we originally trained in a shinobi village."

"In order to be classed as a missing nin, you would have to be registered as part of a shinobi army," said Itachi.

"Huh?"

"It's like this. In order to be a standard shinobi, you have to be initiated into a shinobi army of a village or group. In short, they have to give you a rank. Then the other villages are alerted on a specific month of new additions. No pictures or stats, just a basic description and shinobi ID, which means they'll have your chakra on file just in case they need to identify your body. Now since we left before our chakra could be 'filed' with the others, by shinobi law dictated by the First Hokage who set the standards, we are classed as 'rogue' or 'mercenary' shinobi, meaning we answer to no village and thus have to handle our own expenses. Thanks to our courier business, this is less of an issue than it would normally be."

"Not to mention the money you keep blackmailing Kakuzu out of," said Itachi, with amusement.

Nozomi didn't look ashamed, though she had some amusement in her eyes.

"That's bonus. Now with any rogue shinobi, the main issues would be money, alliance, medical supplies, food, water, and of course, lodging. Because I've been working as a courier before we finished our genin exam, we have most of that covered. The main issue, for you at least, is training. Since I specialize mostly in maintaining our cash flow and alliance base, training takes place after deliveries are made, like any other shinobi on a regular out-of-village mission rotation."

"What about Hinata though?"

"She is classified as an 'apprentice' type shinobi, meaning a high-ranking shinobi has taken her directly under their supervision. Which means she's a normal shinobi by current standards. I mostly kidnapped her because she's my best friend and it was killing me to watch her spirit slowly die because of her dad and the elders. I kidnapped you because Konoha certainly wasn't doing you any favors by kissing your ass all the time and then comparing you to people long dead at this point," said Nozomi.

"For which I am eternally grateful. Something tells me those idiots wouldn't understand me at all, and those fan girls were driving me insane."

"Fan girls are the curse of all male Uchiha, just like fan boys were the curse of the female," said Itachi wisely before he noticed the glint in his brother's eyes.

"This coming from the big bad ANBU who was flat out horrified when I told him some of his fan club had been paying me and Shisui to get into your room to plant cameras?" snickered Sasuke.

Itachi shuddered. Finding out there were cameras and observation seals in his shower had been one of the reasons why he had jumped at the chance to go on an undercover operation. Too bad he hadn't known it would mean the near annihilation of his clan.

At least Kisame was excellent fan girl repellant, though he still laughed his ass off at the thought of the big, bad Uchiha being terrified of the least threatening thing in existence.

"Since you're finally ready to undergo the specialized training, that means you're almost ready for your position as the store face of the Uzumaki Delivery company in Iron."

"Have I ever said how much I love working as a delivery company more than I might have enjoyed being a shinobi?" said Sasuke, grinning.

"Believe me, if it were possible I'd join it in a heartbeat," said Itachi.

"Same here," chimed Deidara and Kisame.

Nozomi's business had all of the fun of being a shinobi with half the stupidity and paperwork.

"Well that just means I can put you three to work doing something that not even your boss would fault me for...and annoy the hidden villages even more, since it would make me the boss of a large shinobi army in all but name."

"You want us to go recruiting."

Trust the genius to figure it out without having to be told. Nozomi smirked as she nodded.

"What do we look for?" asked Deidara. It sounded more interesting than anything.

"First we'll need a general list of the current missing nin. Then we'll filter out those who wouldn't suit the 'courier ninja' standard I've set. After that we'll find and hopefully start recruiting. In the meantime I have to go talk to a fox while my clones try to make my brain explode from reading too much," said Nozomi.

Deidara, Kisame and Sasuke assumed she meant Tails. Itachi had the suspicion she meant the Kyuubi.

* * *

For a massive as hell fox with a butt load of tails (she once joked he was Tails older brother, which had pissed him off to no end) he was surprisingly easy to bribe.

Kyuubi, who's real name was Rikudo Kurama, was laying down in the nice mock island she had made in place of the sewers they were before. Sure he had to stay within a certain section of the island, but it was infinitely preferable to what he had to deal with before. At least she let him roam more than her mother did, or her great-great aunt.

Kurama liked his current container best because the first thing she did after deliberately failing the 'genin' exam was to put as much distance between herself and that damn village, while at the same time stealing one of their greatest weapons. Naturally Konoha was keeping the fact that the Forbidden Scroll had been taken, or they hadn't bothered to verify that a switch had been made in the first place.

Nozomi was better the latter. If they had noticed, then surely there would have been some stink about finding the damn thing by now.

As it was, she knew Orochimaru was still making plans to liberate the fake, even though he had no idea Nozomi had the real one.

A pity she couldn't steal Anko Mitarashi from the village. She always liked the insane woman.

 _ **Back again brat?**_

"Come on Kurama, you know you love me if only because I told Konoha to go screw itself," said Nozomi, scratching one of his massive rabbit-like ears.

"I've got time to kill since the clones are reading everything they can get their hands on. Be prepared for an influx and a massive headache."

Kurama snorted.

 _ **So...Shiritori or Shogi?**_

"You said you'd teach me how to play Go," Nozomi reminded him. Kurama was surprisingly good at teaching logic games.

 _ **Not poker?**_

"I win too much at that."

Kurama blinked, and suddenly a Go board appeared. It was fairly big, but not so big that Nozomi couldn't pick up the pieces and place them, or too small so Kurama could use his claws to put them where he wanted.

While the two of them played, slowly the information began to filter in. Nearby the trees began to flower as the information was sorted into the appropriate places.

When it was needed, fruits would grow and then fall onto the ground to be absorbed. The 'knowledge' used the most would stay 'ripe' while the least used ones would remain flowers. Nothing ever withered permanently.

"So...when do you think you'd be up for a trial run of the Chained Bijuu?" asked Nozomi.

The 'Chained Bijuu' as she liked to call it, was a combination technique involving the Uzumaki chakra chains and Kurama's appearance. Naturally, this meant they couldn't practice with Kurama's chakra outside the Dream Island, because Konoha would descend in droves trying to 'reclaim' her. And considering all the effort she went to in order to ESCAPE them, that was not an option.

Besides, it was a last resort measure because she might as well be sending up a sign shouting "I'm your missing weapon!" if she used it. Or they might think Kurama was loose because she was dead. Either way, they couldn't use it off the island.

 _ **...If we master that soon, we can give Shukaku a beat down. I know you've been rather irritated with Gaara's bad habit.**_

Nozomi's pleasant mood turned to an annoyed scowl.

Gaara's "bad habit" as Kurama so flippantly called it was that he killed the guards trying to verify his ID. He hadn't killed a client yet, but she was worried it was only a matter of time. Well, not worried, just irritated.

Killing people for verifying you were only there to make a delivery was bad for business. The Suna branch was just shy of being in the red because of it.

The only reason she hadn't bothered to close it was because it was quite literally the _only_ reason why Suna's shinobi army wasn't in the decline anymore, and she got quite a lucrative payment in wind jutsu she wouldn't have gotten her hands on otherwise as an 'apology' from the Kazekage.

She was still getting paid by the Tsuchikage for selling some of the jutsu from Konoha's Forbidden scroll.

A jutsu for a jutsu, that was the deal. Besides, this way they got to subtly annoy Konoha, which was great for Kurama and Nozomi. She didn't hate the village shinobi, but she did hate the civilians.

Bunch of friggin' idiots...

"So...beat down on your little brother and possible mental scarring?"

Kurama's grin was toothy.

 _ **I knew you were my favorite jailor. Let's practice so we can give Shukaku nightmares...and a sore ass from the ass-kicking we're about to give that idiot!**_

Good thing Eggman knew seals to contain bijuu chakra. It wouldn't do for Kisame or Deidara to know about Kurama just yet. Not with the knowledge she knew for a fact they would eventually come after the bijuu.

Which was why instead of training her ass in the hopes of beating them, she was going another route.

Blackmail and switching sides.

She already had Itachi, Kakuzu, Konan and possibly Pein on her side. Kisame was a toss up, but she had a decent hold on him because she didn't hide what she was planning to him and had no interest in lying. He hated lies and traitors, ironic as it was. Deidara...he liked her as a little sister, but he was still making his mind whether he trusted her enough to take her side against whoever it was leading the Akatsuki from the shadows.

Zetsu...enough said. He could care less either way, but she rarely had contact with him because he was usually partnered up with the rookie called "Tobi".

Sasori could care less either way so long as he was left alone with his puppets. Nozomi had the feeling he would rather be with his parents.

As for Kakuzu's partner, until they found someone that wouldn't die because the old geezer was a cheapskate and would kill for costing him money, he would have a rotating door. At the moment, they were considering a missing nin from the Village Hidden in the Hot Springs, who were taking steps away from a shinobi village and heading towards a civilian one.

Ironically it was easier becoming a hidden village than de-militarizing one to the point that you no longer had any active shinobi.

Because she had gotten to the village first, and wasn't a missing nin, she had bought most of the 'in-house' jutsu from the Elders for a decent sum, which they were using to pay off the Daimyo. Kakuzu was still sulking.

Mostly because she had used some of her blackmail material for the money to pay for it.


	7. Chapter 7

You could feel it. It was like a wave of pressure heading towards Suna.

Fortunately, it was a chakra signature the sensors recognized.

Nozomi.

"So what exactly do you want to do with our jinchuriki?"

"I plan to give him an overdue wake-up call. We both know the Uzumaki Delivery is the only reason you've been able to even remotely start to rebuild your shinobi army. His bad habit is starting to piss me off."

"And how do you plan to do that?" asked the Kazekage.

"Clear and seal the room. None of this is to reach Konoha."

The Kazekage lifted an eyebrow, but did so. It wasn't that rare for Nozomi to be delivering a sensitive information that couldn't be written down. And if she was wary of Konoha that meant she didn't want the Yamanaka clan to steal the information or have it tortured out by Ibiki or Mitarashi.

"I plan to give Shukaku an ass-kicking via his older sibling."

"...Three or nine?" asked the Kazekage. He highly suspected she was the missing jinchuriki of the Leaf, which explained why there were still no branch offices in Konoha. Considering how big it was, and how popular it was with the merchants having an office there was only natural.

"Let's just say Konoha has to straighten it's own shit out before I'll trust them again. Especially in concerns with the civilians and the Hyuuga clan. They let the non-combatants have too much of a say in internal matters that don't have anything to actually _do_ with their role in a shinobi village, and the civvies are a bunch of damn sheep."

"How bad?" asked the Kazekage, if only to confirm that this was the missing Uzumaki Naruko. Explained why she called it the 'Uzumaki' Delivery company at least.

"They let the civilians dictate how their shinobi are taught before they're genin. I could bring you some of the current books the last time I was there from my partner."

"I'll take your word for it. Do I have your guarantee that you won't kill my weapon?"

Nozomi pulled out a contract, and handed it over to him.

" _In the event of 'accidental' death of Sunagakure's Jinchuriki, Sabaku no Gaara, the Uzumaki Delivery Company will grant Suna full use of all delivery money for one full year, in addition with the return of the bijuu known as Shukaku, a proper seal to hold said bijuu, and three jutsu from Konoha's secret archives._ How in the name of the Sage do you plan to get a hold of their Forbidden Scroll?" asked the Kazekage baffled.

"Who says it's theirs anymore?" smirked Nozomi, before adding "The one they have is a very convincing fake. Morons didn't think to check if it was the real one or not, and I almost delivered a second fake to Orochimaru for a laugh."

"What stopped you?" he asked, though it was clear he was definitely amused now.

"The fact he'd find out it was a fake and then harass me nonstop for the real thing. I'm just waiting for him to do something to piss me off enough that I'd use my favors to kill him off. Coincidentally could you discreetly tell Mitarashi Anko that I'd like to have a word with her? Maybe try to convince Konoha it would be worth trying to 'infiltrate' the company? I made a promise with her years ago that if I ever decided to kill the Snake Sannin I'd let her join in," said Nozomi.

"The fact you're trying to poach one of the Leaf's more effective Tokubetsu Jounin has nothing to do with it."

"That too."

"Heh. Consider this a deal, brat. But you had better take Temari with you."

"Not doll boy?"

"I'll throw him to Chiyo-sama for some training until you return Temari and either Gaara or his bijuu. Try to make it in time for the Chunin exams though."

"Fair enough."

* * *

The first thing Nozomi did was give Gaara a temporary concussion after informing Temari she would be given a temporary leave of missions until they got Gaara's bad habit under control. Meanwhile Kankuro looked thrilled he would be training with Elder Chiyo for a while.

Temari was wary...right up until Nozomi threw her to the two 'kunoichi' teachers who had helped her learn the little things all girls should know.

Rouge and Amy. Like Nozomi, Temari had little to no patience for Cream and her medic lessons.

Surprisingly, she got along with the genjutsu-master Rouge better than the hot-headed Amy.

Probably because Rouge, like Tails, loved to fly. With the kunoichi safely out of the way, Nozomi dragged Gaara to the island she generally used to 'play' with Deidara and Sasuke. And by play, she meant blow shit up.

It could take a lot of damage, having been reinforced to hell and back, and the damage repaired every time they almost sunk the island. By this point it was less of an 'island' and more like a floating piece of metal that just happened to have some fake trees and homes on it. Throw in a few clones, and you could see why Deidara and Sasuke loved it.

She only loved it when she wasn't asked to provide the soon-to-be dead.

As it was, it was perfect to piss off a bijuu and then kick it's ass.

And when she finished bitch-slapping Shukaku (the mental image of which still had Kurama laughing his furry ass off), she'd call in her grandfather to slap a proper seal on Gaara. The one he had now _barely_ kept the damn raccoon in!

Which was why, the first thing she did when Gaara started to come to, was to tell him exactly what came to mind the second she heard about his bad habit of killing random guards just trying to verify he was a courier.

Thank the Sage Temari had the sense to claim he was a 'probationary' courier until he quit killing without a mission for it.

Nozomi took a deep, long breath...the used a minor wind jutsu to make sure Gaara got one _hell_ of a headache from what she was about to do.

"WHAT IN THE SAGE'S NAME WERE YOU THINKING, YOU IDIOT? WHAT PART OF ONLY KILL ENEMY SHINOBI OR SAMURAI TRYING TO INTERCEPT YOUR DELIVERY DID YOU NOT GET? I MADE IT VERY CLEAR WHEN I HIRED YOU THAT UNNESSARY KILLING WOULD NOT BE TOLERATED?! FOR KAMI'S SAKE, THEY ONLY ASKED FOR ID AND PROOF YOU WERE A FREAKING COURIER!"

Nozomi continued on in that vein for a good twenty minutes, her voice never dropping below an ear-aching level. Gaara's concussion had healed over, and he was holding his hands to his ears as Nozomi read him the riot act and then some. The fact he didn't try to shut her up (and the submissive posture) proved without a doubt that even an insane man knows when to shut up around an enraged Uzumaki woman. He was just lucky it wasn't that time of the month.

When she finally took a breath, Gaara looked at her with a dazed...and slightly terrified look.

"You have exactly fifteen minutes to go into a full-on bijuu mode, and then I am going to kick your ass from Iron and back to teach you a lesson."

"What lesson?"

"That you're not at the top of the fucking food chain," growled Nozomi. "And then we're going to fix that damn seal of yours so you can sleep properly without having to worry about the overgrown sand rat trying to eat your mind."

It took him ten minutes, and then a minute more to be completely under the false sleep jutsu.

Nozomi smirked, and then shouted "Hey you over grown sand rat! Come and get your ass whooping courtesy of your big brother Kurama!"

Shukaku snarled something rather creative and very impolite. Nozomi flipped him off.

"Ready Kurama?"

 _ **Let's remind that brat who's top fox around here,**_ smirked Kurama.

"Kitsune no jutsu!" shouted Nozomi. It was a joke between them, but it made it easier to think of this as a regular jutsu. Chakra chains sprang forth all over her, and nine massive ones appeared on her back.

The bulk of Nozomi was in the head, but the body and form were all chakra chains. Little fox fires appeared, mostly orange and the occasional black, but it made her look like the Nine-Tailed Fox.

It was the reason why it took so damn long for her to master this trick. Fox fire was notoriously difficult...but the result was a fire that didn't go out when it came into contact with water.

Shukaku roared when he saw his 'older' brother.

Kurama, through Nozomi, smirked. Then he lifted his 'claw' in a very clear "come and get it" gesture.

It was a very, very good thing Eggman had reinforced the seals while she went to get Gaara. If the island hadn't been made of metal it would have sunk.

* * *

Deidara wasn't the only one 'watching' the fight between the Shukaku and Nozomi going all out for once.

Everyone else was too.

"Why aren't any of you worried about her? This is Shukaku and from what you've said he's in full control!" said Temari.

"Nozomi has never properly gone all out before. She could easily take the One-tail and win. Right now she's just showing Gaara he has a long way to go before he's considered a threat," said Sonic.

"She left the village she grew up in and lives in Iron so she could train without interference. The village had already held her back long enough," said Shadow.

"Wait, so Nozomi-chan really is a shinobi?"

Deidara shook his head.

"Hidden Village law according to what the First Hokage set down clearly states that in order to be part of a recognized shinobi army, they have to document your chakra and file it appropriately with a recognized rank according to skill. From what I heard, Nozomi failed the first half of the Genin exam, so she decided to bail town before they could try and seal her chakra off. Then as a proper 'go screw yourself' gesture to the village, she took the heirs of their two most venerated dojutsu-oriented clans, un."

"Which heirs?"

"Uchiha and Hyuuga, apparently."

Temari choked.

"Wait...she's the girl who ran off with the Last Uchiha?"

Sasuke made a face.

"We didn't 'run off'. That's some stupid rumor the fan girls came up with, or some idiotic civilian. Nozomi offered me a chance to train without having the entire village kissing my ass for every little thing I did or being reminded of how 'great' my clan was," said Sasuke.

"And the Hyuuga heiress?" asked Temari, curious.

"A chance to apprentice under Tsunade of the Sannin. Hinata wanted to become a medic nin, but her family wouldn't allow it saying it was 'beneath' them to save the lives of their fellow shinobi. White-eyed assholes," snorted Sasuke.

They all used chakra instinctively as a particularly vicious rumble echoed across the landscape. They were barely ten miles away from the island, but the containment seals kept the Shukaku from leaving while the host was out cold.

A few more hits like that, and then there was a strange silence.

"They better not have sunk that island. You have no idea what a headache it is getting the materials here in the first place," said Sonic.

"What materials?" said Sasuke.

"Let me put it this way... All of the Egg-head's robots are way, way above the tech available in the Elemental Countries, and the summons realm. Even Tails has technology beyond what the shinobi are _currently_ capable of. So where did they get it?"

Now that Sonic mentioned it, it had been a bit of a weird moment seeing all those...what did Eggman call them? Computers? And those automatic kunai launchers, except he called them 'bullets'.

All of it was completely foreign to him.

"I have no idea."

"And have you seen any other summons, even a sea Toad?" asked Sonic.

"Not really."

Now that he mentioned it, he hadn't seen a single normal summon since he started training here. And they didn't eat any of their fellow inhabitants, but Sonic's beloved chili dogs were definitely meat, or close enough to make no difference. Yet he knew none of them hunted animals, or other summons.

So where did they get the meat?

Sonic grinned.

"Bet you didn't know you're quite literally on the other side of the world from the Elemental Countries," said Sonic.

"What?!" said every single shinobi there.

"We're on the same relative dimension as the shinobi countries, but we're on the other side of the world where there aren't any. To be fair, only the Uzumaki seem to have the instinctive ability to come here without having to be brought," said Tails.

"Wait, so where exactly do you get the food and stuff?"

"We're about fifty, maybe sixty miles from the mainland, and we've worked out an agreement with the humans there. Though it was touch and go until we came to a truce with Eggman."

While the distance was nothing much to a shinobi, walking across that much open water was suicide. Even Kisame would have some trouble crossing that distance unless there were islands he could rest at briefly.

"I think she's done," said Rouge.

"How can you tell?" asked Temari.

"The vibrations are starting to go back to normal. Even the sounds on the island are coming back."

Rouge was a bat, but more to the point she was an echo-location and sensor. Most of the vibrations coming from the island felt more like the waves and such, and the chakra spikes had almost stopped completely.

Then there was a massive wave, and nothing.

A single flare went up.

"Okay, now they're finished. Looks like Eggman fixed the seal," said Knuckles.

Everyone had taken spots to 'watch' the fighting, though they had to watch it through binoculars. None of Eggman's cameras would have survived the massive fight, and the older shinobi had been providing a colorful commentary the entire time.

Ten minutes later Eggman flew back with two extras. A happy, if sleepy Nozomi and an out-cold Gaara.

"Gaara!" yelped Temari, jumping up to check on her youngest brother. He might be a homicidal maniac, but he was still her blood.

"The brat put up a good showing, but his inexperience and lack of training caused him to lose. Maybe once he gets his head on straight he'll actually put up a better fight," said Eggman.

"Is he...?"

"A good nights rest and few hours to see how bad his head is messed up, and he'll be right as rain. Hopefully we'll be able to fix some of the issues I've seen with his fighting style."

By the next morning, Temari was openly relieved to see Gaara was alright. A bit confused and befuddled, but alright.

The confusion was mainly the way Temari was openly worried about him. Nozomi looked smug.

"I told you she actually cared. Unlike that prick of a father of yours."

Temari looked irritated, but didn't bother to tell Nozomi off. The sad fact was that Nozomi was understating how their 'father' treated Gaara. Hell, he had never even bothered to speak about his own son by name! He just referred to him as 'the weapon'!

"I'm not sure if I understand what a 'precious person' is. But I'm willing to learn," said Gaara.

"Well, you're in the right place. I gave them a rough estimate of a month, because you guys still need a week to enter the Chunin Exams."

"Who cares? I'd rather have my brother back, then care about some stupid invasion of Konoha."

"...'Invasion of Konoha'?"

"You're not a Konoha nin, and the council considers you an ally...so I think it's safe to tell you. Orochimaru is trying to get us to invade Konoha, and they plan on unleashing Gaara."

Nozomi pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I do believe I've found a reason to finally kill that idiot snake."

Seeing them stare at her, she explained.

"The only reason Orochimaru hasn't been killed or maimed in a horrific and likely graphic way is because he hasn't pissed me off enough. But trying to get Suna to do something as stupid as starting an invasion? Yeah, that would be enough to piss me off."

"Why is it stupid?"

"He's obviously using your desperation to hopefully wipe out _two_ Great Shinobi villages, or at the very least kill the Third. Suna is BARELY keeping that position because of the Uzumaki company sharing the profits from deliveries straight to the shinobi coffers. So what do you think will happen if you try to invade and FAIL?"

Temari worked that out...and paled.

"They'd demand reparations at least, possibly Gaara's life."

"And they might use it as a chance to force you to share in the Uzumaki company profits. Or attempt to use this as a way to weasel in a fake company under the name."

"What do we do?"

"I'll talk to the Suna council and the Kazekage At the very least I can try to reason with them. If not, I'll send in a modified clone for Gaara. It will still register as a Jinchuriki."

If worst came to worse, she'd disguise herself as Gaara...she could pull off homicidal easy enough after having to deal with cheapskates like Gatou...and aside from a little make-up and possibly a few adjustments like hiding her bust, she could reasonably pass as the unstable Ichibi jinchuriki, while Gaara trained.

It wasn't like Konoha would have a chance in hell of catching or containing the Orange Flash. Not after all the times she had fought Itachi into a full stalemate...even if he had been going easy on her by not using genjutsu and most of his strength.


End file.
